I attended a small private school from 7th grade until graduation. In high school they had Homecoming court where kids were chosen by their peers to represent their grade. The Seniors were then voted on for Homecoming king and queen. Every year the king and queen were a well established couple. My senior year I was dating the high school jock. I knew that I would be elected queen because it was expected, that is what happens. The night before the game, the student council president took me aside and explained that I was not the winner. What?! This was complete devastation and utter humiliation as a high school girl. I was mortified.
I remember sobbing in my room, telling my mom that I didn't want to go. "This was the worst thing that had ever happened," and other very dramatic things were flying out of my mouth. My mom told me I had to go and be strong or I would be more embarrassed. At the time I was not happy, I was down right mad, but she was right.
This morning my daughter had a similar experience as an 8th grader. She didn't get the part she desperately wanted in a school play. I did the motherly thing, encouraging her and looking for silver linings in the huge cloud that hung over our house. I just dropped her (or kicked her out the door) at school. This was one of the hardest things I have had to do so far in my journey as a mother.
When you are pregnant or chasing toddlers you don't think about moments like this and how awful they are. I held it together till she got out of the car and then I lost it. I cried the whole way home. I feel sick to my stomach and I desperately want to go save her.
When your a mom you feel your child's pain as well as your own. Talk about not being fair. My heart aches for her today and the sad fact that she is in 8th grade and that is hard enough.
In the midst of chaos I forgot to feed Clay, so a quick run through McDonalds drive- thru was in order. Sitting at a red light with tears flowing down my face I ripped up his pancakes and poured on some syrup. Clay was so content, watching Sponge Bob (I swore I wouldn't let my kids watch TV in the car except for trips, whatever...) and eating his breakfast.
Turning into our subdivision Clay yells "Mom, you made me spill this". Pancakes and syrup were everywhere. Maybe I should go get Grace from school to help me clean the maple syrup out of my car or maybe I should go back to bed. Either way I have to face the facts. My car smells like a Canadian gift shop and my daughters heart needs some mending.
Say a prayer for my little one today.
3 comments:
:( Poor Grace! I remember that age too.... horrible! But you were a good mom and taught her that it is important to be strong and keep living life even when you feel the pain of rejection and disappointment. Miss you guys!
Angie, I enjoy and appreciate your posts. A few years ago AJ had a situation where he played a guitar piece at a talent show. Half way thru the performance he realized that his guitar was horribly out of tune. The moment devoured him and he could not recover. I was standing right near the stage(taking a picture) and he looked down at me like "what do I do?" with tears in his eyes. I gestured to him to finish and he did in a flustered sort of way- then made a hasty exit. To this day, when I think about the look on his face and remembering his first real taste of public embarrassment it turns my stomach into a knot. They suffer the moment and we suffer the moment with them which in turn awakens long buried feelings inside us that have aged and not lost an ounce of their sting. -Aaron
I will pray that God would rain down grace upon your sweet Grace, and love on her through this. And for your lovely mum's heart too.
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