Getting Old

I suppose it is human nature but why must we prod our colleagues about how their holiday went when we return to work? Today was my first day back after a semi disastrous Thanksgiving.

My husband is a physician at a local hospital where his schedule is demanding and ever changing. The holidays are always a challenge. He either works Christmas or Thanksgiving. His medical partners run a 24/7 practice and some sorry sucker gets stuck working Thanksgiving evening, Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.

This year we requested to be off on Christmas and it was granted. However this means that Bryan would work Thanksgiving, New Years Eve and New Years Day. We plan around it and it works.

Bryan was scheduled to round the morning of Thanksgiving and I volunteered to host the festivities for my family. I love to entertain and being slightly OCD,I was happy to have it at my house where I could be in control.

I finished my shopping on Wednesday morning and was prepared to conquer the feast. That evening I played tennis. I attended a cardio-tennis class which basically runs your butt off and you get to play a lot of tennis games. Its very fun. I then stayed to play a round robin match with a couple of men. No big deal, I am a “decent” tennis player and I knew I could handle these guys. Two hours later I thought I was Serena Williams. I played great. The men were hitting the balls with no uncertainty. Who cares that I was a woman, I was frying the bacon and serving up in the pan. Around 9:00 p.m. I noticed a slight ache when I would bend over to pick up a ball. Nothing was stopping me, I was winning and I was a machine.

When I arrived home, Bryan and the kids were asleep. I took a hot bath and went to bed. As most mornings, I awakened to Clay breathing in my face. Noticing that it was 08:30 I panicked, because I had over slept. What happened next was totally unexpected. I rolled over and my body froze.

I could not stand. I was a crumbled over, old woman. My left butt cheek and lower back hurt so bad that I made moaning sounds. Who does that? Not me!!! I am tough, I don’t complain and moan. Seriously, I could not walk. My turkey had to be in the oven in 40 minutes and I began to panic.

I wobbled, letting my dogs out and told Clay to go wake up Grace. He screamed, “Grace, Mom broke her back and Reuben is missing, GET UP!” A startled daughter ran down the steps to check on her ailing mother.

My husband is a doctor so I call him first. He is working hard to see his patients and he tells me, “What do you want me to do?” A bit upset I said, “ No worries, I will figure it out.”

The next step was my Mom. Valium is an excellent muscle relaxant and I called to see if she had any? She said she did but suggested I try an Advil and a heating pad first. Yes, maybe I should but I have a turkey and dinner to prepare, NOW!

My sister was my next call. She sent her husband Jarrod over who saved me. He got my turkey out of the fridge,and tells me that the bird is still a bit frozen. In my hunchback of Notre Dame position, I declare my lack of interest and demand he get my bird in the oven. Jarrod was great. After placing my bird in the oven, Clay starts screaming that there is a fire. He was correct, there was indeed flames in the bottom of my oven. Jarrod quickly removed the aluminum foil that was coated in some sort of grease and in true fire fighter fashion extinguished the flames.

The next 4 hours were like an episode from Hell’s Kitchen. I was humped over the counter ordering Grace and Clay around like servants. My sweet brother dropped in with the Valuim and helped Grace prepare our dinner. I honestly did not do a thing except order people around.

In the end it was a fabulous dinner. After a Valium, flexaril and a left over percocet, I fell asleep on a heating pad. I swore I ruptured a disc. It was awful.

In the morning I awoke to a bit of soreness in my left buttock, but that was it. It was like it never happened. However, Bryan had a different story. He awoke Saturday to a not so welcome surprise which landed him an emergent appointment and colonoscopy.

Daddy Sam (Bryan’s Dad) was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 45. He did very well and is healthy as an ox today. Bryan was still worried and so was his GI buddy Dr. Shokar.

On Monday morning I took Bryan to his hospital where his dear friend scooped my husband. I am happy to report that Bryan’s colon is healthy and there were no signs of cancer.

Between my buttocks and Bryan’s colon, we feel old. I discussed my feelings with a dear friend of mine who recently turned 70. He said, “I’m not saying your over the hill, but this will happen again and soon.” SERIOUSLY?! I have been through my share of aches and pains but the physical aches are pains are something I could do without.

On a positive note... I am so proud to announce that my Father, Don Prince was sworn in as the The Mayor of the City of Mason. I may not be able to play tennis forever but I am guaranteed excellent tickets for the next 4 years of ATP!!!!